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The Problem Was Me: How to End Negative Self-Talk and Take Your Life to a New Level, by Thomas Gagliano Abraham J. Twerski
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Review
“...helpful to anyone who wants to break the cycle of self-defeating thoughts and self-destructive behaviors.â€â€•Counselor magazine“Thomas has been on our program, Joy in Our Town, twice and has brought some incredible insight into what creates some of the roles each of us play in our society. He breaks it down in terms for anyone to understand and, therefore, form strategies that will help correct and/or improve their lives.â€â€•Evan Eley, Director of Public Affairs, Trinity Broadcasting Network “This guide will help anyone who is confused about why they find themselves repeating in their adult relationships the harms they endured as children. Here is a way out of the maze.â€â€•John Leadem, co-author of Surveying the Wreckage“Thomas Gagliano has been a guest on my syndicated radio show on numerous occasions. He is insightful, informative, inspirational and down-to-Earth. He brings a very personal perspective to universal themes. He relates his own experiences and life-lessons in a way that they become surprisingly familiar to anyone who has dealt with similar issues.â€â€•Richard Stevens, The Richard Stevens Show“Tom Gagliano delivers an inspiring message of hope to individuals who have felt trapped in a cycle of self sabotaging behavior. In a voice that is powerful, yet gentle and compassionate, Tom has the ability to capture the imagination and engage the spirit of his listeners!â€â€•Veronica Faisant, Producer/Host“Every once in a while, a radio guest comes along with not only pertinent information to share, but also a heart of gold. Thomas Gagliano was that guest for my show, Sharkie's PEP Talk on Healthy Life Radio. He is one of the few people who actually takes responsibility for his life, and teaches others to do the same. His humility, positive perception, gratitude, and willingness to learn from life's challenges are refreshing traits in a world that blames and whines about every little problem. His amazing book, The Problem Was Me, should be required reading for everyone.â€â€•Sharkie Zartman“I am a relatively successful owner of an engineering company in New Jersey. For most of my life, I defined myself by the success of my firm. When I first employed Tom I was on the verge of divorce. Tom was able to help me understand the wounds of my childhood trauma. Without Tom's professional guidance there would be absolutely no possibility that my marriage could ever have been salvaged. Quite frankly, Tom helped save my life! I have now been working with Tom for about 3 years and I am constantly amazed how much wisdom and insight that he is able to provide for me. With his guidance, I believe that I have improved as a person, as well as a partner to my wife.â€â€•Jim“My name is Dr. Alan Zwerdling and I am a licensed psychologist in the state of New Jersey. I hold a Ph.D. in clinical psychology from the University of Maine, and have advanced postdoctoral training from the Short-Term Dynamic Psychotherapy Institute of New York and New Jersey. I have been in practice for over 20 years, specializing in psychotherapy for adults and couples, and have supervised the work of other masters and doctoral level therapists. My experience with Tom is that he is that rare, natural, intuitive, therapeutic personality who, just by having a conversation, somehow manages to make people feel better. I have met only a handful of people like this in my life. It does not appear to be an effort and may not even be an intention. Tom typically will say something that hits home and makes a difference. His natural, hard earned wisdom is conveyed in an unpolished regular guy manner that matches the man with the message and makes it attractive to the people around him. Tom’s recovery model integrates foundational components of several major models of psychological treatment: the core beliefs and thinking patterns (schema) of cognitive behavioral therapy, the childhood wounds, repetition compulsion, and trauma recreations. The theory makes sense in a practical way that I believe will be accessible to anyone looking to lead a happier, more successful life.â€â€•Alan Zwerdling, Ph.D, Licensed Psychologist“Tom’s coaching methods have helped me see things more clearly. To be honest, it didn't wipe away my resentments immediately but without his encouragement I would have given up a long time ago. I trust him with all of the secrets that keep me bound with this devastating addiction. I have always found it hard to trust people, but I do trust Tom. He is a very dear friend and confidant that I will always be grateful to have in my life. I believe his insights and directions will help many people in all walks of life. If he can help others the way he helped me his message must be heard.â€â€•Greg H., Lakewood, NJ“Over the past several years Tom Gag1iano has had a profound impact on the Jewish community, bringing healing and serenity to people and families that have long given up hope. He has helped thousands of people and in turn has touched tens of thousands of lives in a positive way. Tom’s approach is unique and admirable. He is truly a remarkable person. Seeing his caring, compassion and understanding of another’s pain and agony has taught me a lot over the years. His approach is so successful I have incorporated some of his methods in my own counseling and clergy work. My conviction comes from seeing the results over the years. People who have been going to mental health professionals for years unsuccessfully, yet by Tom helping them you can see a real shift in their lives. If I could get all the clergy in the state to hear one speaker I would have them hear Tom. The things I learned from him cannot be taught in school or by another individual. He is unique.â€â€•Rabbi Yossi Hirsch“I am writing to express my great admiration and respect for Tom Gagliano and his unique ability to help others through life’s challenges. Tom has been my life coach for the past two years. During this time he has helped me to skillfully handle the challenges and difficulties I have encountered in my life. I am always amazed that, after listening to me describe a dilemma or struggle that perplexes me, Tom’s response gets right to the heart of the matter. In doing so, he often uncovers motivations and dynamics that are not readily apparent to me. With his keen insight into the human person, Tom guides me to consider various plans of action and respects the course I choose. I know others Tom has assisted; they report similar experiences as mine. Indeed, sensing his great talent many seek Tom out for his wise counsel and guidance. He has helped many live better, emotionally healthier and more meaningful lives. He has guided couples through the challenges of relationship and has been an effective facilitator of healing and intimacy. With all his giftedness, Tom is a man of great humility; there is no arrogance or air of superiority about him. I highly recommend Tom Gagliano to you. He is an extraordinary man with a special gift of being able to guide others through life’s challenges.â€â€•Rev. John J. Werner, Priest“I recently went through the stressful process of moving my family to a new country. I was overwhelmed with fear and doubt. Tom helped me to see that my fears were based on the messages I got when I was young. I was also afraid that my children would not like the new school they attended. I was going to let my fears block me from moving. After doing Tom’s inventories I started to realize that all of these fears were stories I was making up in my head and were based on the one belief that I did not deserve happiness.â€â€•Ben“I truly believe I would not have found the courage to take the steps needed to leave my job and go out on my own if it wasn’t for Tom’s coaching. I also believe his methods, when dealing with intimacy issues, helped save my marriage. Tom showed me the ways to trust myself and others again, something I lost a long time ago.â€â€•Mark“I always found myself in a dead-end position with a boss who constantly told me I wasn’t good enough. The problem was I believed this message. I employed Tom as a coach and he immediately asked me where this voice came from. Eventually, I realized it was the voice of my father. As a coach he helped me identify this and stop this voice from controlling my behavior. Today I am self-employed, doing better than I ever dreamed. I didn’t realize the hold my childhood messages had in affecting the decisions I made in my economic decisions. Today I enjoy what I do and I make more money than I ever have.â€â€•Michael, Monroe Township, N.J“...helpful to anyone who wants to break the cycle of self-defeating thoughts and self-destructive behaviors.”—Counselor magazine“Thomas has been on our program, Joy in Our Town, twice and has brought some incredible insight into what creates some of the roles each of us play in our society. He breaks it down in terms for anyone to understand and, therefore, form strategies that will help correct and/or improve their lives.”—Evan Eley, Director of Public Affairs, Trinity Broadcasting Network“This guide will help anyone who is confused about why they find themselves repeating in their adult relationships the harms they endured as children. Here is a way out of the maze.”—John Leadem, co-author of Surveying the Wreckage“Thomas Gagliano has been a guest on my syndicated radio show on numerous occasions. He is insightful, informative, inspirational and down-to-Earth. He brings a very personal perspective to universal themes. He relates his own experiences and life-lessons in a way that they become surprisingly familiar to anyone who has dealt with similar issues.”—Richard Stevens, The Richard Stevens Show“Tom Gagliano delivers an inspiring message of hope to individuals who have felt trapped in a cycle of self sabotaging behavior. In a voice that is powerful, yet gentle and compassionate, Tom has the ability to capture the imagination and engage the spirit of his listeners!”—Veronica Faisant, Producer/Host“Every once in a while, a radio guest comes along with not only pertinent information to share, but also a heart of gold. Thomas Gagliano was that guest for my show, Sharkie's PEP Talk on Healthy Life Radio. He is one of the few people who actually takes responsibility for his life, and teaches others to do the same. His humility, positive perception, gratitude, and willingness to learn from life's challenges are refreshing traits in a world that blames and whines about every little problem. His amazing book, The Problem Was Me, should be required reading for everyone.”—Sharkie Zartman“I am a relatively successful owner of an engineering company in New Jersey. For most of my life, I defined myself by the success of my firm. When I first employed Tom I was on the verge of divorce. Tom was able to help me understand the wounds of my childhood trauma. Without Tom's professional guidance there would be absolutely no possibility that my marriage could ever have been salvaged. Quite frankly, Tom helped save my life! I have now been working with Tom for about 3 years and I am constantly amazed how much wisdom and insight that he is able to provide for me. With his guidance, I believe that I have improved as a person, as well as a partner to my wife.”—Jim“My name is Dr. Alan Zwerdling and I am a licensed psychologist in the state of New Jersey. I hold a Ph.D. in clinical psychology from the University of Maine, and have advanced postdoctoral training from the Short-Term Dynamic Psychotherapy Institute of New York and New Jersey. I have been in practice for over 20 years, specializing in psychotherapy for adults and couples, and have supervised the work of other masters and doctoral level therapists. My experience with Tom is that he is that rare, natural, intuitive, therapeutic personality who, just by having a conversation, somehow manages to make people feel better. I have met only a handful of people like this in my life. It does not appear to be an effort and may not even be an intention. Tom typically will say something that hits home and makes a difference. His natural, hard earned wisdom is conveyed in an unpolished regular guy manner that matches the man with the message and makes it attractive to the people around him. Tom’s recovery model integrates foundational components of several major models of psychological treatment: the core beliefs and thinking patterns (schema) of cognitive behavioral therapy, the childhood wounds, repetition compulsion, and trauma recreations. The theory makes sense in a practical way that I believe will be accessible to anyone looking to lead a happier, more successful life.”—Alan Zwerdling, Ph.D, Licensed Psychologist“Tom’s coaching methods have helped me see things more clearly. To be honest, it didn't wipe away my resentments immediately but without his encouragement I would have given up a long time ago. I trust him with all of the secrets that keep me bound with this devastating addiction. I have always found it hard to trust people, but I do trust Tom. He is a very dear friend and confidant that I will always be grateful to have in my life. I believe his insights and directions will help many people in all walks of life. If he can help others the way he helped me his message must be heard.”—Greg H., Lakewood, NJ“Over the past several years Tom Gag1iano has had a profound impact on the Jewish community, bringing healing and serenity to people and families that have long given up hope. He has helped thousands of people and in turn has touched tens of thousands of lives in a positive way. Tom’s approach is unique and admirable. He is truly a remarkable person. Seeing his caring, compassion and understanding of another’s pain and agony has taught me a lot over the years. His approach is so successful I have incorporated some of his methods in my own counseling and clergy work. My conviction comes from seeing the results over the years. People who have been going to mental health professionals for years unsuccessfully, yet by Tom helping them you can see a real shift in their lives. If I could get all the clergy in the state to hear one speaker I would have them hear Tom. The things I learned from him cannot be taught in school or by another individual. He is unique.”—Rabbi Yossi Hirsch“I am writing to express my great admiration and respect for Tom Gagliano and his unique ability to help others through life’s challenges. Tom has been my life coach for the past two years. During this time he has helped me to skillfully handle the challenges and difficulties I have encountered in my life. I am always amazed that, after listening to me describe a dilemma or struggle that perplexes me, Tom’s response gets right to the heart of the matter. In doing so, he often uncovers motivations and dynamics that are not readily apparent to me. With his keen insight into the human person, Tom guides me to consider various plans of action and respects the course I choose. I know others Tom has assisted; they report similar experiences as mine. Indeed, sensing his great talent many seek Tom out for his wise counsel and guidance. He has helped many live better, emotionally healthier and more meaningful lives. He has guided couples through the challenges of relationship and has been an effective facilitator of healing and intimacy. With all his giftedness, Tom is a man of great humility; there is no arrogance or air of superiority about him. I highly recommend Tom Gagliano to you. He is an extraordinary man with a special gift of being able to guide others through life’s challenges.”—Rev. John J. Werner, Priest“I recently went through the stressful process of moving my family to a new country. I was overwhelmed with fear and doubt. Tom helped me to see that my fears were based on the messages I got when I was young. I was also afraid that my children would not like the new school they attended. I was going to let my fears block me from moving. After doing Tom’s inventories I started to realize that all of these fears were stories I was making up in my head and were based on the one belief that I did not deserve happiness.”—Ben“I truly believe I would not have found the courage to take the steps needed to leave my job and go out on my own if it wasn’t for Tom’s coaching. I also believe his methods, when dealing with intimacy issues, helped save my marriage. Tom showed me the ways to trust myself and others again, something I lost a long time ago.”—Mark“I always found myself in a dead-end position with a boss who constantly told me I wasn’t good enough. The problem was I believed this message. I employed Tom as a coach and he immediately asked me where this voice came from. Eventually, I realized it was the voice of my father. As a coach he helped me identify this and stop this voice from controlling my behavior. Today I am self-employed, doing better than I ever dreamed. I didn’t realize the hold my childhood messages had in affecting the decisions I made in my economic decisions. Today I enjoy what I do and I make more money than I ever have.”—Michael, Monroe Township, N.J
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About the Author
Thomas Gagliano is a highly motivated and successful entrepreneur with a proven track record in small business ventures. Gagliano has also been a high profile leader in addiction and self-help therapy, developing unique methods and procedures which have helped numerous institutions and individuals in the greater New York area. His methods have been embraced by a number of institutions, including the Counseling Center in Princeton, the Chabad Chai Center in East Brunswick and St. Ambrose Parish (RC) in Old Bridge. He is a graduate of Seton Hall University and has a bachelor's degree in marketing. Today he is back at school, attending Rutgers University and completing a Masters degree in social work. Abraham J. Twerski, MD, author of "Addictive Personality" and numerous other books, has been referred to as "Pittsburgh's most famous psychiatrist." After serving several years as a pulpit rabbi, Dr. Twerski entered Marquette University Medical School in Milwaukee and completed his psychiatric training at the University of Pittsburgh Medical School. He has served as medical director of psychiatry at Pittsburgh's St. Francis Hospital, and in 1972 founded the Gateway Rehabilitation Center for treatment of alcohol and drug addiction. He was the medical director of Gateway for 30 years, and is currently medical director emeritus. He is the author of numerous books on addiction, self-esteem and spirituality. Dr. Twerski collaborated with Charles Schulz, creator of the "Peanuts" cartoon strip, on four books. Dr. Twerski has lectured world-wide as well as in many cities in the United States.
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Product details
Paperback: 290 pages
Publisher: Gentle Path Press (August 16, 2011)
Language: English
ISBN-10: 0982650574
ISBN-13: 978-0982650578
Product Dimensions:
6 x 0.5 x 9 inches
Shipping Weight: 11.2 ounces (View shipping rates and policies)
Average Customer Review:
4.9 out of 5 stars
24 customer reviews
Amazon Best Sellers Rank:
#498,803 in Books (See Top 100 in Books)
As a child have you ever been told that you were useless, unwanted or stupid? Then read this book written by Thomas Gagliano. His book is a very moving piece of literacy. He is able to take what has happened in his childhood and applied it to others who have gone through abuse and addiction. As I read it there were tears in my eyes as he talks about "the Warden" the voice in your mind that demans you, much like Zigmund Freud's "Harsh Ego" The most important aspect of his book is that as children we are exposed to emotional abuse by our parents, teachers and the like and the pain becomes a remant that stays with us througout our lives. I have been a preschool educatior for over 35 years and this is a must read for every parent who wants to invest in the emotional well being of their young children. One cannot phanthom in their mind the lasting effects of emotional abuse that young children bear as they grow up and how that pain stays with them throughout their lives. Yet there is hope out there; as he describes his journey to wellness; coming to a realization about his life and is able to work through his pain and addiction so he could move forward in his life and now wants to share with others what one can do to better their life after exposure to abuse.
Tom Gagliano has delivered a book that is at once readable, inspirational, courageously honest, and for me, enlightening beyond my wildest expectations.The stories and analogies were simple and eloquent, even charming and heartfelt. I would recommend this book to anyone who is struggling with relationship issues or having a difficult time understanding why they may be stuck in second gear and unable to feel good about themselves. Without a doubt, most everyone will be able to identify with many of the characteristics and childhood wounds that Tom Gagliano talks about in his treatise. I was continually astonished that Mr. Gagliano could describe what I had been feeling - sometimes unconsciously - with such articulate vivid expression. For sure, I will be giving this book to many of my friends, so that that might just be able to take their life to a new (higher/comfortable) level. Bravo to Tom Gagliano for sharing his journey and leaving the reader with unbridled hope!Anthony B. AKA "Fabrizio"
Mr. Gagliano is a master communicator and his personal story is exceptionally compelling. It easy to empathize with the very destructive experiences in his childhood and early adult life, and how they created psychological barriers to relationships and personal fulfillment. Yet what is most remarkable is how Gagliano untangled the web of these events and created a beautiful life for himself and his family--he is the ultimate overcomer. This book is both inspirational and instructive--a must read for those of us who are stuck in negative behavior patterns in our personal lives and relationships, but have the desire for change.Mark T., Elizabeth, NJ
Excellent book
"The Problem Was Me" is a handbook for overcoming destructive thinking and behaviors and leading a healthy, functional life. The author's descriptions of the problem - negative self-talk and self-image, personified as The Warden - are unique and totally accessible, as are his simple, practical solutions. The book is a terrific primer on spirituality, emotional healing, and addiction recovery, and would make a great gift for someone who is troubled by the demons of a difficult childhood (and who isn't?). An amazing work by a first-time author. I can't recommend it highly enough.
Great book
As professionals in the field of psychiatry, social work, and other highly developed social sciences designed to help people, we take special care and conciderable amount of time paving and laying down to the ground work that allows us to reach the core of issues presented to us by our patients. Mr. Thomas Gagliano, in his thorough understanding of himself, and his ability to draw on his own life experiences, becomes a professional, who can reach people lost in their "dark life cave" with out a flash-light to find their way out. Mr. Gagliano uses the light of his own sucess of finding his way, to lead others out of the darkness created by traumatic childhood experiences.Dr Leon Dickerson
If you're struggling with negative self-talk, feel like you're entitled to engage in behaviors that hurt your loved ones or yourself just because you're feeling put upon, I highly recommend this book. The author lays his finger on how to identify the core reasons where these behaviors are coming from. He also provides sound advice on how to deal with it.
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